


this isn’t quite the end (this night just can’t end)

by larrymurphycansteponme



Category: I Was Born for This - Alice Oseman
Genre: F/F, Moving On, Mutual Pining, also pls ignore the underdeveloped bicci subplot ajsjjdjfjf i couldnt be bothered to develop it, fuck mac and skimmed milk, juliet is confused and bi oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17555915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrymurphycansteponme/pseuds/larrymurphycansteponme
Summary: “Feel alive yet?”Juliet Schwartz has spent the entire winter break in her room, procrastinating school work and over thinking Mac Anderson. And she really needs to live a little instead. Bliss Lai intends to help with that.





	this isn’t quite the end (this night just can’t end)

**Author's Note:**

> 1 i just dont like skimmed milk ok  
> 2 rowan/bliss is also really sick so im leaving this ~ambiguous~ for shits and giggles  
> 3 literally 95% of this is me having too much fun writing dialogue for bliss and lister and also saying ‘god’ and ‘dumb’  
> 4 angel should have been in this but it’s too late now

Juliet doesn’t want to think about Mac. Doesn’t want to think about getting kinda drunk on that Tuesday and kissing him. Jesus. She fell in love at seventeen and had her first kiss with a Tory, how _stupid_ can she be? Bliss was right. Bliss seems to be right about a lot of things, actually. Usually, that would make Juliet feel stupid or inferior, but with Bliss, it’s just like having a parental figure politely correcting you. Juliet And Mac is something for another world entirely, somewhere without boy bands and identity crises and Angel Rahimi. Juliet truly loves Angel, she does— two whole years of friendship doesn’t vanish like that— but a small part of her wishes she could’ve found that starlight romance with Mac. And Angel stopped that from happening, she thinks. It’s selfish, and it’s not really true, but if Angel hadn’t come to London, and Mac hadn’t lied about The Ark, maybe they’d be here, right now, together, in love. And Juliet would be telling Mac why he shouldn’t be a Tory.

That’s all fantasy, though. Recently, Juliet’s perception of reality has become that bit vivider. Between a love she never had for Mac and the revelation that her favourite band boys are actually complete disasters, things feel wrong. Like, Juliet has been lying to herself, but they were comfortable lies, ones she could fall back onto, lies that somehow reassured her. The one true thing, the thing she has always been honest to herself about, is Angel Rahimi. Her best friend, who is no different in real life to behind a screen. That’s why Juliet thinks Angel is good. A worthy best friend. Juliet has a habit of becoming attached to the wrong types of people.

The right types of people, however, include; Angel Rahimi, Bliss Lai and her nan. Dorothy keeps asking Juliet to invite Bliss back over, because although they meet up every once in a while for coffee, she’s too scared to do that. Her nan also misses Angel, apparently, but they haven’t seen each other since That Week In August because Angel doesn’t live in London. Uni is starting to stress Juliet out, and she knows she’s gonna have to start dropping plans more and more often until she doesn’t see friends at all. The right types of people might leave her because she is wrong for them. It feels like that’s what happened with Mac, a bit.

Juliet won’t lie. The absence of Mac is eating her up inside. He told her they might talk every now and then, but he then proceeded to block her number, and she’s pretty sure he blocked her on Tumblr too. He could’ve just deactivated his account, though. She has no idea, and it makes her upset. He could’ve died, for all she knows. The presence of death has been hanging around Juliet recently. People can just go too easily. He might just not... be, anymore, and Juliet will never know. That, the absence, the uncertainty, is truly horrible.

It’s not like Juliet has voiced her upset over Mac either; as far as Angel and Bliss know, she’s moved on. Juliet thinks she has, but the infatuation with having a boyfriend is hard to let go of for her. Someone who wanted her for her, not some boy band, not a place to hide from the paps. Juliet hates herself for thinking that, because she knows Angel is her friend for her, and she knows Bliss is her friend for her. She knows they’re the right people. And Mac is the wrong person. Yeah. Mac is a bad person.

Bad, for being her first kiss, bad, for taking that moment and making it taste like lager, bad for lying and talking over her and being an inconsiderate dick. Cormac Anderson is a bad person.

(Juliet Schwartz knows this isn’t true, that life isn’t black and white, but it’s easier this way. She is a bit of a coward.)

And, in the middle of her headache-induced midnight thoughts, her phone pings with a notification. A text.

**Bliss**

hey posh girl wanna go to a party with me

not like a scary drinking party dw theres security n shit

but like a party party

 

**Juliet**

is it like your party?? who's hosting it?

 

**Bliss**

well its not like a big scary celebrity party or anything bcs jimmy hates them but basically its about twenty people at the boys place and rowan said i could bring someone so i chose my bff :)

 

**Juliet**

ur seriously inviting me to a celebrity party mate

id die

 

**Bliss**

no seriously its fun we all drink capri suns and place bets on which irrelevant musicians are gonna ask lister to hook up

 

**Juliet**

why are u asking me lol

 

**Bliss**

because i need another normal person w me and ur my favourite normal person

Bliss is very flirty, Juliet thinks. She wonders what her nan would say if she told her she was going to a party of an internationally famous boy band, but frankly she doesn’t care. She wants to go, because it sounds like fun to spend an evening with Bliss. No one knows who Juliet is, so random people won’t talk to her much, and she doubts anyone will get absolutely pissed, because, to Juliet’s knowledge, Lister has been sober for three whole months. Maybe this is what Juliet needs, a fun party, a night out with one of her friends. Shake off all of these stupid feelings that have been eating her up. Forget about Mac. Bliss is good at helping her forget about Mac. Or, reminding her how shit he was.

**Juliet**

sure ill go :)

 

**Bliss**

fuck yeah!!!!!!

 

•

 

“How’s uni been?” Bliss is asking Juliet a lot of questions. No surprise, really, because Bliss has picked up on the fact Juliet is much more of a listener, and is keen on forcing her out of her shell. They’re in an Uber on the way to the party.

Juliet answers all of the queries, though. Yes, uni’s fine, a little stressful, but fine. No, her nan doesn’t mind her going out, and yes, she does know all the details. Yes, Juliet is shitting herself over this whole thing, but no, she doesn’t mind because she’s doing it with Bliss.

When she says that, Bliss beams at her. Her cheeks are rosy, and her hair, straight and spiky, is unusually bouncy. “Aw. You’re so cute.”

Juliet scoffs. They don’t say much more for the journey. Bliss looks nice, she thinks. Like, really pretty. She’s wearing black jeans, a crop top and a flannel over the top. She’s messy, sure, but she pulls it off. Juliet doesn’t understand how she just doesn’t give a shit, but she respects it so fucking much. She’s just waltzing into a celebrity party like it’s nothing, probably because it is to her. Bliss has always walked the line between normal and famous. It reached its peak this summer, but calmed down after her and Rowan’s breakup was announced. No one really cared about her after that, even though she was still very present in his life. Transgressing between two very different worlds.

They’re outside the building now, which is really goddamn tall. There’s security, obviously. Juliet, and a lot of other people, know where the boys live, so it figures they’d have people stopping the manic fans from just hanging around outside all day. The guy, bouncer, whatever, apparently knows Bliss. That does make sense, considering she comes here a lot. They get buzzed in and Bliss guides Juliet to a lift. The building is exactly as she expected; that modern, sleek design with a greyscale colour scheme. Everything is very minimalist in the foyer, with the odd house plant tucked in a corner.

Bliss presses the top button in the lift, and just as the doors close, another person squeezes inside the box. It’s a girl. A girl that Juliet instantly recognises as a _very_ famous member of a girl band. She shoots a look at Bliss, as if to say ‘what the fuck?’ but Bliss just shrugs at her.

The lift pings, and the doors slide open. The girl is distracted by something on her phone, so Bliss takes Juliet’s hand (it’s sudden, and she doesn’t expect it, and for some reason it makes her blush) and they slip past her. Bliss strides across the hall and rings the doorbell, tapping her foot expectantly. She’s still holding Juliet’s hand when the door opens.

Rowan is smiling, which Juliet honestly didn’t expect. “Hey.” He says.

“Hi.” Bliss is grinning. Sometimes Juliet can’t help but think they are still very much in love. Maybe it’s just a different love.

“Oh,” Rowan’s focus has shifted to her now, “Juliet. It’s... been a while.”

Suddenly, Bliss drops Juliet’s hand and giggles awkwardly. She’s blushing, which is weird. Bliss doesn’t get, like, flustered, or whatever this is.

“Yeah.” Juliet swallows, forcing herself to speak. It’s not like she’s having a breakdown over being here because of, like, pathetic fangirl reasons. No. She just gets nervous around people in general. “Hi.”

“Did Bliss force you to come?” He asks it in his usual, monotone voice, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes, and he’s grinning slightly.

Bliss swats him playfully on the arm. “I did not! I promised her Capri Suns, and like any sensible person, she said yes.”

Juliet laughs. “Yeah. I, uh, needed to get out anyway.” It’s true. She did. Juliet hadn’t been outside for a fair while when she got that text from Bliss. Wasting two blessed weeks off school away.

Rowan shrugs. “Right. Well. Lucky for you, I told Lister he wasn’t allowed to invite more than twenty people.”

They head inside, and Juliet is wondering how on Earth more than twenty people can have a party in this apartment. Sure, it’s really fucking spacious, but Jesus. She wouldn’t like to be caught amongst fifty drunk people dancing here, which, according to Bliss, used to happen a lot.

“How’ve you been?” Rowan has lowered his voice, and he’s obviously directing the question to Bliss. His tone is gentler, warmer.

“I’m fucking brilliant, thanks,” she grins, and pauses, “how about you?”

“You know. Working on it.”

Bliss nods knowingly. Juliet already feels very out of place. It’s like she’s sixteen again, and pretending she doesn’t understand what her parents are talking about when they’re discussing kicking her out for her grades. Maybe that’s a little melodramatic of her. Oh well. Juliet doesn’t like being talked over, even though she lets it happen all the time.

The party is nowhere near as chaotic as Juliet imagined. People are sitting around, dancing, drinking J2Os, just generally talking and milling about. The Killers are playing through the speakers, but it’s not that loud. People don’t need to yell to hold conversation at an audible level.

“Bliss, I’ve fuckin’ missed you.” Lister Bird shows up from literally nowhere to hug Bliss. She claps him on the back in return.

“How’re you holding up, mate?” She asks.

He shrugs, and they make a little more small talk before everyone suddenly remembers Juliet exists.

“Oh yeah,” she gestures vaguely at her, “I brought Juliet with me because she needs to live a little.” Bliss grins at her widely, and so does Lister.

“Well, I can offer support in that.” He says, looking directly at Juliet now, “Never know which day might be your last, you know? More insightful life advice like that will be available in my debut novel, ‘How To Live Life Like A Stabee’.”

Rowan sighs, and he has never sounded more exasperated in his entire life. “No one is going to publish your book and no one thinks ‘stabee’ is funny apart from you.”

So. Apparently Lister has been writing a life advice book in his spare time. And it’s really shit.

And then, in the midst of him plugging it, Bliss asks, “Anyway, where’s Jimmy?”

Lister scrunches up his face like he’s a middle aged man trying to remember where he left his car keys. “Uh... I dunno.”

“How do you not know where your own fucking—” Bliss starts, but Lister gives her a weird look, and she pauses. “I just wanna say hi.” She says, after a considerable silence. It’s not passive aggressive though. No, she’s smiling warmly.

“He’s talking to, uh, that Marcus guy. Who won the X Factor.” Rowan supplies, waving his hand in their general direction. That makes Lister scoff for some reason.

“Well,” Bliss says, “one of you get my lovely friend a Capri Sun whilst I make sure Jimmy’s not been spending his days, alone, in the dark, half-watching Brooklyn-99 and laughing when there isn’t even a joke.” And then she wanders off. Leaving Juliet standing in between two boys she doesn’t know very well in real life, nervous.

Oh shit. Should she say something? Try to crack a joke? Make some painful small talk? Juliet genuinely has no idea. Usually, she’s with Angel or Bliss at social things, and they’re both very chatty people. Admittedly, Juliet is becoming more chatty, but she has a way to go yet. What if they both just walk off and leave her on her own? What if Bliss doesn’t come back and save her from this dire situation.

Thankfully, Rowan is really fucking nice. He leads her over to the kitchen, where there are fewer people, and sure enough, they have a fuckton of Capri Suns.

“So,” she starts, after having meticulously stabbed her little straw through the foil pouch, “how’s life?”

“Significantly better since the last time I saw you,” Rowan laughs softly, “Jesus. That was _weird_.”

“Mm.” Juliet nods, before taking a sip of her drink. “You could say that.”

They make small talk— what Juliet is doing at uni, how the band is going, etcetera— but somehow wind up talking about politics. Mainly, how the education system is completely fucked and no one values knowledge anymore. They talk music, too, influential bands that’ve shaped their lives. Neither of them can listen to Radiohead for longer than an hour or they get too sad. And, obviously, because they’re bitching about Tories and talking about 90s indie rock, Juliet finds herself bringing up Mac. Oh no.

“But, like, he sucked. So. Whatever.” Yeah, whatever. Juliet isn’t bothered. She thought that dumb introverted boy was really worth a try. She’s mean. She’s heartless. Who actually cares anyway? She broke up with him.

God, suddenly Juliet feels dizzy. Everything feels a bit shit. Here she is, brought along somewhere she doesn’t belong with her flirty and stupid friend. Why is Juliet letting herself do this? Arms unfolding, letting go of her comfortable lies and instead welcoming the harsh truth. Rough, like the stubble on her dad’s chin. Bliss keeps promising that Juliet will live a little, if only she goes out there. Isn’t Juliet already living? She’s felt alive since That Week In August. Since meeting Bliss Lai and Angel Rahimi and discovering that maybe she’s a little more than a listener. Or, she could be.

However, there is a warm and friendly ghost dancing around her, a memory of a boy she really did love. She thinks. She isn’t sure. God. All of those giggly feelings are bleeding into one another, and Juliet struggles to distinguish between him and her. She’s not sure what that means. It scares her. Mac could’ve died and sometimes she just genuinely doesn’t care. Others she does, far too much. That ghost needs to fuck off already.

It feels like her head is underwater. Juliet talks to Rowan about— she doesn’t even know, she’s just nodding and saying ‘yeah’ in a gormless tone— and it doesn’t mean anything. It is substance-less. Juliet isn’t living her life like Bliss wants her too. Juliet is stuck on Mac and she can’t let go. She wants to. She wants to go and dance to the sad Radiohead song that started playing with Bliss and forget about everything else. Bliss. God, sometimes Juliet doesn’t understand what she feels for Bliss.

“Why did you and Bliss go out?” Juliet asks, so suddenly, so spontaneously.

It takes Rowan a moment or two to answer. Like he can’t think of a single reason. “She— I dunno. She doesn’t give a shit about anything, unless she loves you on a personal level. And then she’ll lay down her life for you,” he hesitates, “and she’s also, just, fucking lovely.”

“But you’re better off as friends?”

“... yeah. I think.”

Juliet bites her bottom lip. Her brow is furrowed, and she’s squeezing her Capri Sun a little too tight— fruit juice is leaking from the straw and trickling down her bare forearm. Nothing is easy, is it? She thinks she’s hung up over Mac, but at the same time she hates him. Fuck. And, in a horrible way, Bliss is making this worse.

(Juliet doesn’t understand how she feels about Bliss. Maybe she has a crush on her. But, she’s never felt like that about a girl before.)

The thing with Juliet, is that she feels incomplete without someone else. She throws herself in headfirst and ends up getting her heart ripped out, because she’s vulnerable and naïve and just wants to be wanted. Wanted by someone who really knows her.

“I mean,” Rowan says suddenly, “it’s complicated, because she was the only person who didn’t care about, like, the band. And I don’t know if I’m gonna find someone like that again. Who wants me for myself.”

“Yeah. I get that,” Juliet hesitates, “you don’t wanna be alone forever, but you know it won’t work out with that one person.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them say anything more. Juliet wonders if she and Mac could have ever worked out. She wonders what would happen if Bliss and Rowan were still together. Would something even more traumatic have happened? It’s a good fucking thing they broke up, she sometimes thinks, if someone was willing to assault Rowan over it. Who knows what could’ve happened to Bliss?

Relationships are complicated, is what she’s learning. Just because two people seem good for each other, doesn’t mean the rest of the world will let it happen. It really, really sucks, Juliet thinks, but it’s life. God. How fucked life can be.

“Jesus, you look a bit fucking miserable.” It’s Bliss, grinning widely. She has an open J20 in one hand, and is huffing her fringe— a little too long and in need of a cut— out of her eyes.

Rowan scoffs, laughs, and then he leans back against the kitchen counter. Smiling back at her. Juliet can tell he isn’t dealing with all of this very well. “We were just... talking.”

“Right,” Bliss nods, taking a sip from her drink.

“You okay?” Juliet asks, frowning.

“Mate, I’m fucking brilliant.” Bliss gives Juliet this amazing look, and it’s the kind of awe-struck, in-love kick in the teeth that Juliet needs. It’s how they end up dancing together in some random, cramped corner. Two normal people in a space that wasn’t made for them. They don’t quite fit in here. Whilst everyone else is rounded to perfection, they are angular. They stick out. Maybe it’s just in Juliet’s head, though. The illusion of normality vs. abnormality has shattered. Everyone is jagged in their own mind. All of these smiley people in tight and flashy clothes feel exactly how she does, probably.

 _He’s_ _just_ _a_ _normal_ _guy_ , Juliet had said to Angel in disbelief. And here she is, months and months later, dancing with Bliss Lai at a party for people so much more important than her. When Juliet tells this to Bliss in utter disbelief, between heavy, laboured breaths, she scoffs.

“Importance is relative, Juliet.”

And then, whilst Juliet is still trying to catch her breath from dancing so much, an upbeat song starts to play, so Bliss takes her hand once more and pulls her up to stand on the sofa next to her. She spins her around and they jump up and down and dance. Oh god. People are glancing over at them. Two dressed-down girls with no social status here, giggling and trying not to fall off the sofa. Raised up above for all eyes to see.

Bliss grins, and _yells_ over the music, “Feel alive yet?” And Juliet nods, yes, fucking hell, she feels great. Maybe it’s just the adrenaline, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t care. Bliss’ movements slow, and her grin softens to a sweet smile. She pants, chuckles, and tucks her hair behind her ear. Her eyes are unmoving, focusing in on Juliet. For once, she feels heard.

And then it’s over. Bliss flops down to sit on the sofa, and Juliet quickly follows her. A different song is playing now. It’s somewhere between one and two am, and Juliet Schwartz has no idea what her own best friend thinks of her. Bliss keeps on doing these things, little things, that make her heart twist and turn. It’s so nostalgic for her. So nostalgic, it makes her think it’s the very same feelings she felt for Mac. But Juliet has always been under the impression she only liked guys.

She’s already feeling enough about one person to think about Bliss tonight. Honestly, fuck Mac. Maybe if he didn’t exist she could question this a little more and not nearly cry. The heart is far too complicated for her liking.

Another hour later, people are starting to leave. Trailing out one by one, tired or fancying a drink, or simply bored. Juliet watches them all, people who are seen as gods because they appear on a screen, and wonders why that is. She’s never felt more normal around The Ark. Maybe that’s because she better knows them as The Guys She Experienced A Massive Trauma With In Rural Kent. People are strange. Everyone is normal and everyone is weird, and we are all searching for love. Any kind of love, because no one is truly loveless. That thought gives Juliet hope that one day, when she turns fifty, Angel and Bliss will be there still. Loving her.

The last of the guests clear out and Bliss assigns herself tea duty. Rowan is lying down on the sofa, presumably exhausted from just socialising to the extent he must have to. Juliet doesn’t know where Jimmy and Lister are. They disappeared mid-party.

“Okay, who wants some fucking tea?” Bliss asks, flipping the kettle on. Rowan lets out a low groaning noise that she somehow interprets as ‘yes’ and Juliet nods, supplying a quiet, ‘me please.’

Bliss grins at Juliet. “Go ask the boys for me? They’re probably in Jimmy’s room, it’s upstairs and straight down the hall.” She lowers her voice, presumably because Rowan has a bit of a headache. Juliet shrugs. Honestly, she can’t be bothered. But Juliet is a goddamn sweetheart, and Bliss is looking at her imploringly. She can’t say no to her.

She smiles at her. “Sure.”

As she trudges up the staircase, Juliet can start to overhear a faint conversation. It’s no strain to hear what’s being said, even if no one is raising their voice. Oh shit, what if she walks into some guests who haven’t left yet? God, how humiliating would it be to run in on some celebrities and their personal lives? Juliet needs to calm down. She’s literally got to do one simple thing and her anxiety-ridden mind is over complicating it way too much.

“So, you were just talking?”

“He just said he was sorry about what happened.”

There’s a small pause in the conversation. Juliet hasn’t distinguished the voices from one another. They’re muffled behind thick walls.

“... I’m sorry. I just— I don’t know why I thought that.”

“No, it’s fine,” the person hesitates, “hey? It’s fine. I love you.”

Juliet reaches the door. She thinks it’s the right one. Straight down the corridor, right? All she’s doing is asking if they want a cup of tea. That Bliss is making. Yeah, okay, that’s what she’ll say. She clears her throat, and swallows. Then, she opens up the door, praying she’s not going to blunder into an empty room and have to spend the next five minutes getting lost in the apartment.

“Fucking hell, you scared the shit out of me.” Lister laughs awkwardly, doing a comical double-take. He’s blushing. Juliet realises he and Jimmy were holding hands when she walked in on them only a second ago.

“Sorry,” she goes straight into apology mode, “I should’ve knocked, oh my god—”

“It’s whatever.” Jimmy says in a monotone voice. His expression is barely readable, aside the worried crease of his brow that seems goddamn semi-permanent.

“Has everyone else left?”

“Yeah.”

“Aw, what the fuck?” Lister sounds disappointed, “it’s only three.”

That’s the most ridiculous statement Juliet, a girl who has never gone clubbing before, has ever heard. _It’s_ _only_ _three_. Juliet considers going to bed at ten late, because God, does she value her sleep.

And then Juliet remembers why she’s even here, feeling embarrassingly awkward.

“Anyway. Um,” she swallows, “Bliss is making tea.”

“ _Sick_.” Lister says, and it sounds upbeat, but he seems tetchy. Like he wants to leave the room. Which he does, brushing past Juliet dismissively. There’s a small pause, where Juliet as Jimmy just stare back at each other with nothing to say. She feels like she should say something but she doesn’t know what.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” He said, finally, his voice small.

“About what?”

Jimmy blushes, hunches his shoulders and crosses his arms across his chest. He’s good at making himself appear smaller; so is Juliet. “Me and Lister.”

It takes Juliet a whole five seconds to realise what that even means. And then she says ‘oh’ in a very underwhelmed way.

“No one knows apart from family, and Rowan and Bliss, so like,” he wrinkles his nose, “it’s stressing me out. Telling other people. Because obviously we don’t wanna tell a bunch of people who would leak it, because that would be a fucking disaster.”

“Yeah. Yikes.” Juliet can only imagine how terrible that could be. And then she says, “I won’t tell anyone.” Because she won’t. She doesn’t have anyone to tell, really.

“Thank you.” And Jimmy sounds so genuinely grateful when he says it.

Juliet hesitates, letting the silence sit for a moment, before she asks, “when did you realise you liked guys?”

“Why are you asking?” He quirks a brow.

Why is Juliet asking? Why has this been bothering her so much recently, this burning thought in the back of her mind? All of her warm and fluttery feelings are bleeding together and it is impossible to distinguish between Mac and Bliss sometimes for her. Why is it like that?

“Why do you think?” She shrugs, and laughs a little.

Jimmy pauses, presumably thinking through what he’s about to say. “I guess I’d just never thought about girls like that. And then I’d made out with random guys at parties and I was like, ‘yeah, I like guys.’”

Juliet nods. “I’ve never kissed a girl before.”

“Do you want to?”

“Maybe.” She says, and she sounds more certain than she thought she would. Suddenly, it overwhelms her. The idea of kissing a girl. And, God, that hole in her chest that Mac used to take up is swelling with the possibility of her. Maybe she is ready to move on. Maybe Juliet can put her dumb past behind her and move onto something far less cruel.

Little more is said. They head downstairs in silence, but it’s not painful or awkward for once. Juliet is thinking. Thinking about Bliss, asking her if she feels alive, and her nodding, yes, she truly does. Juliet feels good around Bliss. And she is so, so ready to keep feeling that way. She doesn’t want the bother of some dumb boy pestering her forever. No. She just wants Mac gone. The ghost he left trailing behind him.

Bliss can make that happen.

Right?

“Fuck, why do you guys have skimmed milk?” Bliss looks genuinely disgusted by the red milk bottle she’s clutching. There are five mugs sitting idly in the countertop, steaming with black tea inside them. She closes the fridge she took the milk from, and, comically wrinkling her nose up, unscrews the lid of the bottle.

“Some of us don’t just drink milk straight from the carton, Bliss.” Rowan says, from where he is still lying on one of the sofas. Lister, who is perched on one of the bar stools, laughs.

“Yeah, okay, but it tastes gross no matter what.” She says this, but she still dumps the milk into the tea, mug by mug. Then, she looks up, sees Juliet and Jimmy, and smiles. “Aw, you’re just in time to drink this great tea I brewed. If only it hadn’t been spoilt with skimmed milk.” She breaks out into a proper grin now, all dimples and teeth. God. What is that feeling?

“Skimmed milk is good for you, Bliss,” Juliet scoffs, “self love and everything.”

A deep frown crosses across Bliss’ face. “Only people that hate themselves drink skimmed milk.”

“Can confirm.” Jimmy says, and even though it’s a joke, Lister and Rowan both start protesting to the point it’s genuinely heartwarming. He rolls his eyes and says it’s a joke, and Lister says ‘it better fucking be,’ and everyone laughs. Then, he sits down at one of the other bar stools. There’s this sense of friendship and belonging here, the unrelenting support Juliet finds herself surrounded by with Bliss and Angel. Love. Different types of love from different types of people, sure, but at the end of the day, love. Juliet guesses that when everything crashed and burned with Mac, it wasn’t quite the end. For love.

Bliss puts the milk back inside the fridge, and dumps the soggy tea bags into the bin. Then, she takes two of the mugs, places one on the coffee table (on a coaster, after Rowan snaps at her to use them) and sits on an empty sofa with the other still in her hands. She makes what Dorothy would refer to as an Old Lady Noise as she settles. Rowan has sat up and is sipping cautiously from the mug Bliss put down in front of him.

“God, I needed that,” he sighs, massaging his temples with one hand, “I can’t believe you left me with twenty of your friends at your party just to— whatever,” he makes a vague hand gesture, “with Jimmy.” Rowan is looking pointedly at Lister now. Bliss cackles.

“Whatever, huh?” Lister starts, and he’s got this shit-eating grin that quickly disappears when Jimmy elbows him not-so-subtly in the side.

“Shut up.” He says, and he sounds pissed off, but he’s smiling and flushed.

Bliss scoffs. “You had us.” Then she looks at Juliet and pats the empty space next to her on the sofa. Juliet has just picked up one of the mugs of tea and makes her way over to sit next to her. Rowan gives Bliss a look that makes her giggle again; eyebrows raised, slight pout, trying not to smile.

They drink tea and talk. It is painstakingly normal, but it feels oddly good. Three am, and Juliet Schwartz is drinking tea with a bunch of famous people. Except, right now, they’re nothing more than a bunch of dumb, unsure kids. And bullies, in Bliss’ case, because she keeps on poking fun at Juliet’s taste in guys.

“He couldn’t even say the word ‘gay’. Like. He was gonna actually self-combust.”

Juliet wrinkles her nose up. “Yeah. He was... kinda lame.”

“He lied to you on multiple occasions to get in your pants, was a Tory and generally a bit of a pathetic little bumlick.” Bliss says, and the bluntness of it genuinely makes Juliet laugh. Properly laugh. Bliss is so funny and honest and she really, really loves her. God.

“When you say it like _that_ ,” Juliet trails off, grinning. Bliss smirks back at her.

“Was he hot at least?” Lister asks, and Bliss scoffs.

“Mate,” she says, trying to repress a laugh, “he had a ‘meet me at McDonald’s’ haircut.” And the hopeless giggle bubbles up.

Juliet feels like this night just can’t end. Like, she will die when the sun rises. Tonight, her life has begun and Juliet has felt alive in a way she never did before. Maybe that’s why a wave of sudden sadness crashes over her as she steps out of the building and into the cold at four am. She pulls her coat tightly around herself, because although there’s little wind, it’s goddamn freezing.

What now? Juliet will go home, go to sleep, and relive this night until she has convinced herself she’ll never feel that happy again. And probably think about Mac some more. For fuck’s sake, sometimes Juliet just wants to do something spontaneous and dumb and actually experience _anything_. She’s tired of over rehearsing templated sentences and scenarios.

That’s why she does it, she thinks, and immediately regrets it. Because in a hopeless moment of wanting more, Juliet doesn’t realise what she already has is enough. She kisses Bliss Lai and it’s the dumbest thing she’s ever done; even dumber than kissing Mac Anderson.

It’s cold and the traffic is loud, so even if Juliet genuinely wanted to kiss her best friend, it wouldn’t be very romantic. And, yeah, kissing a girl feels nice. Kissing anyone at all feels great, but Juliet is certain now that whatever she feels for Bliss is... isn’t quite what she thought it was. Maybe it can be, one day, but right now, she isn’t ready. So she pulls back, and a sheepish ‘sorry’ tumbles out of her mouth.

Bliss just laughs. “D’you like me, posh girl?” She flashes a grin, and takes Juliet’s hand, squeezing it.

“I... don’t know.”

“So you thought ‘fuck it, I’ll kiss her and see what happens’?”

“Yeah.” Juliet nods, and laughs awkwardly. “I— sorry.”

“S’fine, mate,” Bliss says, upbeat as ever, “but I do not recommend dating someone just to get over your problematic ex.”

And Bliss is right. Juliet knows Bliss is right. She thought the same thing the moment she kissed her. Juliet is unsure if she likes girls, if she likes Bliss, if she even likes anyone, and the only thing she is sure of is that she can’t move on just yet. But that’s okay. This isn’t quite the end for Juliet, just because she isn’t in a relationship at the moment.

“Yeah. I know.”

This isn’t quite the end.


End file.
